Star Trek III: The Search for Spock

Year: 1984
Directed By: Leonard Nimoy
Written By: Harve Bennett, Gene Roddenberry (Star Trek)

RYAN’S REVIEW

I have always felt this third movie fell into the odd and even theory of Star Trek films but only because there are significant problems with the story. This movie is deeply tied into Star Trek roots being made by one of the cast members and there is plenty to like about it. Nevertheless, watching this movie is simply waiting for the inevitable to happen. You know it’s only a matter of time before Kirk is back in the captain’s chair and it’s only a matter of time before Spock returns. The Klingons are the wild card in the film and they do keep things interesting. It’s a totally OK movie but it is far from great.

This movie got back to the basics and used the Klingons as the villains, and I think that was awesome. I thought Christopher Lloyd‘s performance was a little over the top, but these Klingons are ruthless. It’s totally lame when Doc Brown chokes that snakelike thing to death but when he gives the order to kill one of the hostages he’s just cold blooded. I do like that Kruge and Kirk have a fight to the death as the planet destroys itself around them. I also love the last Klingon that is really disappointed that he isn’t going to be killed. The Klingon would rather be put to death than face defeat. You just can’t go wrong with Kingons as the villains in a Star Trek film.

This is the first appearance of the Klingon Bird of Prey ship and it is by far the coolest ship to date. It really sucks that Kirk has to destroy the Enterprise but at least he got a bitchin new ship in the process. This movie is the middle of a three film arc and they get to fly around in the Bird of Prey for the fourth film too.

Star Trek is better with Spock and what this whole movie boils down to is a Star Trek movie with practically no Spock. You have Spock’s dad but what a poor substitute. I thought Leonard Nimoy did a good job behind camera and had an obvious influence on the very Star Trekkie feel to certain parts of the movie. The scenes on Earth when McCoy goes to the bar and sees a wide variety of aliens, including those fur ball things I can’t remember the name of, specifically come to mind as an example of what I’m talking about.

William Shatner really tries to pull out the acting big guns when his son is killed. Falling to his knees and getting choked up as he screams at the Klingon bastard. I think that moment in the film could have been much more dramatic. When Doc Brown gives the order to kill one of the prisoners, he doesn’t care which one, the scene wasn’t drawn out enough. You have Saavik, David, or Spock to choose from and one of these important characters is going to be killed. While Saavik is the one chosen David steps up to defend her with a really weak fight before getting stabbed to death. It’s interesting that Kirk’s sacrifice of his son and his ship counter balances the sacrifice of Spock in the preceding film.

There is a lot to like about this movie but nothing that really sets it apart from the others. I think the story is the main problem because it is all a build up to the return of Spock and we all know that one way or another he will return and be alright. This movie works for the Trekkies but I don’t think the average person would ever sit down to this film and enjoy it.

If you’re a Trekkie you don’t need my opinion about this film because you out rank me in fandom. However, if you aren’t a Star Trek fan then frankly I’m shocked you’d still be reading this. This is a good enough Star Trek film but it’s not going to make any new fans. I’d say it’s easily worth the time of Trekkies everywhere but not for anybody who isn’t into it.

NEXT MOVIE: Star Trek III: The Voyage Home (1986)

Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan

Year: 1982
Directed By: Nicholas Meyer
Written By: Harve Bennett and Jack B Sowards, Gene Roddenberry (Star Trek)

RYAN’S REVIEW

It’s always been said that the even numbered Star Trek films are the good ones while the odd numbered films are not. I don’t think this is true but these first two films certainly hold up the theory. The first film wasn’t very well received and it was impossibly boring. Then this even numbered sequel came along and blew everybody away. This one had excitement, revenge, and tragedy all rolled into one. It’s the foundation of the entire series because another slow moving Star Trek movie would have effectively killed the franchise.

Gene Roddenberry immediately started work on the sequel following the release of the first film. It turned out that the studio had a different idea in mind as they blamed Roddenberry for the failure of the first film. Not only was the first film poorly received but it went way over budget too. Roddenberry’s idea was scrapped along with Roddenberry himself who was relegated to the role of “Executive Consultant” for the film. With Roddenberry out of the way the film was put in the hands of a producer who had never seen the show before, Harve Bennett. He proceeded to watch all Star Trek episodes and centered on the episode featuring Khan as a the direction for the next film.

I have never seen the original episode that featured Khan but I think it was one of the best ideas that any of the films have had for a story. Most of the films are independent stories with no connection to the television series they are based on beyond the characters. I think the best films in the entire series are the ones that tie to the show. Those movies of course being this one and the eighth installment featuring the Borg. I didn’t really care for the reboot sequel going back to this story line instead of coming up with something new but I’ll get to that in time.

I’m always a sucker for a good bad guy and Khan really fits the bill. He’s intelligent, powerful, and really pissed off. He has languished away in a wasteland for decades with nothing but misfortune to spurn him on. He is so full of anger and out for revenge. In all his bare chested prowess Ricardo Montalban gave an incredible performance. I love how he is always quoting Moby Dick as it is one of the most famous revenge stories in literature, and in this case it makes sense. I am unfamiliar with any of Montalban’s other work but this performance alone has always left an impression on me. I love how intimidating he is as an opponent to Captain Kirk. There is no single villain throughout this entire series that can even come close to Khan, and he’s one of the biggest reasons this movie is such a fan favorite.

This movie is also a fan favorite because it features some of the best space battles of any of the films. When Khan initially ambushes the Enterprise he delivers such a crippling blow. It puts Kirk in the very situation he was overseeing with Saavik in the beginning of the film. When she was in the Kobayashi Maru training protocol facing a no win scenario. One of my favorite lines comes after this first attack when Khan makes demands to Kirk. Captain Kirk asks how he knows Khan will keep his word to which he replies, “Oh, I’ve given you no word to keep, Admiral. In my judgment, you simply have no alternative.” Such a great bad guy. The second battle between Kirk and Khan was even better but came at the greatest of costs.

Much like the first film it was difficult to get Leonard Nimoy on board for a second film. He agreed to the part after being promised he would be killed off in a blaze of glory. What a glorious death it was too. Spock’s selfless sacrifice saved everyone else and made for a very emotionally compelling scene. Spock and Kirk’s final conversation as Spock dies is some of the finest dialogue written in the entire series. It was a bold move to kill off the most popular character. They didn’t just kill him off either but they did so in such dramatic fashion. Nimoy was so impressed with the final product that he didn’t just agree to return but wanted to get behind camera himself and direct it.

Nobody really has to die when science fiction is involved, you just have to be clever about it. Spock didn’t stay dead for long with the studio announcing before this movie was even released that he would be back. This film marks the beginning of a three film story line and the next film picks up directly where this one left off. Even beginning with footage of the ending of this film.

There aren’t many Star Trek films you can point to and say “that’s what it’s all about.” Not many glowing examples that can explain the more than fifty year fascination with Star Trek. This movie is one of the few you can have someone watch and maybe they’ll understand. It’s the undisputed best movie featuring the original cast. I think this movie is worth the time of not only Trekkies but the wider audience out there. This isn’t just a cool Star Trek movie, this is a cool movie plain and simple.

NEXT MOVIE: Star Trek III: The Search for Spock (1984)

 

 

Star Trek: The Motion Picture

Year: 1979
Directed By: Robert Wise
Written By: Harold Livingston (screenplay) Alan Dean Foster (story) Gene Roddenberry (Star Trek)

RYAN’S REVIEW

It’s time to admit it and own up to the truth. There’s no denying it now as we’ve reached this point in the collection. I’ve been a closet Trekkie for my entire life and own twelve of these movies. It’s not my fault. I was born into a Star Trek family and grew up watching these movies and the television show. I don’t know any Klingon or anything like that but I have a greater knowledge than the average person. I tell people all the time that Amber is the one who loves Star Trek but that’s not true. It’s me, and I have dragged her along this journey before.

It was about eight years ago when Amber and I were really young parents. We had some kind of petty argument that all young couples have but in this one I managed to win and she wanted to make it up to me. She had always refused to watch Star Trek and with this newfound marital leverage I insisted she watch the entire series with me. I’ll never forget because it was around Christmas time when I went to a Best Buy and bought a box set of the first eight movies. I stood in line holding this box set of Star Trek movies literally trying to hide it as people walked by. Like I said, I’m totally a fan but I don’t just admit that to people. I keep it in the closet as a guilty pleasure and deny knowing anything about it when it comes up. I stood in that line for what felt like forever, switching that box set from arm to arm in an effort to hide it from people. When I finally got to the register I laid it down in front of the lady and said “my Christmas shopping is done.”  Eight movies later and Amber still hated Star Trek, but I like to think I enriched her life in an interesting way.

I grew up watching the Next Generation series of Star Trek and it’s those characters I have always been a real fan of. I still appreciate the original crew and like these movies but some of the excitement in this first film has always been lost on me because of it. Half of the fun in this movie for Star Trek fans must have been seeing the gang get back together for a film. The show had finished its three year run in 1969 and ten years had passed by the time this movie came out. Star Trek had proved to be very popular airing in syndication and the movie spent a long time in production. Eventually it was scrapped in favor of doing a new television show before again minds were changed and the movie was back on the docket. This film was adapted from the pilot episode of what would have been the new television show.

The return of Spock is probably the coolest part of this movie, which doesn’t have all that many cool parts to begin with. It’s cooler because there was a big chance Spock didn’t appear in the movie at all. Leonard Nimoy had become angry over his image as Spock being used without him receiving any royalties and was initially not going to reprise his role for the film. He agreed to appear in the film only after he was paid before hand for the use of his image. It’s hard to imagine what would have happened to this franchise and Star Trek in general had they not been able to persuade Nimoy to take the role.

This movie reminds me of 2001: A Space Odessey in that everything moves really slowly. 2001 was a great movie that is incredibly influential in the movie business but I’d hardly call it watchable. I own the movie and have tried to watch it at least five times but have somehow still never seen the end. This movie too feels unwatchable at times as it takes forever for anything to happen. It’s like they figured out these new special effects and had to draw them out as long as possible.

This is a long and slow moving movie that I have never really been a fan of. I found myself sucked in more than I ever have before with this viewing but still, it is what it is. It’s impressive that the franchise was even able to continue after this film, given it wasn’t really well received. William Shatner has even been reported to have walked out of the screening and thought that Star Trek was officially over, and he wasn’t the only one. Gene Roddenberry was blamed for the failure of the film and was forced out for the sequel. That’s a cold way to treat the creator but it worked as the sequel was, for a long time, the franchise’s crowning achievement.

I think there was a time and place for this movie and that was 1979. Watching it now comes without all the anticipation that fans felt back then. It was probably really cool to see the band get back together for the big screen after ten years but that does little to satisfy a viewer today. I think this movie is for the die hard Star Trek fans out there. While I may have outed myself as a fan in this post it is still something I intend to keep quiet and I don’t qualify. I don’t think this movie is worth your time but may it live long and prosper with the true Trekkies out there.

NEXT MOVIE: Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan (1982)

 

Stargate

Year: 1994
Directed By: Roland Emmerich
Written By: Dean Devlin and Roland Emmerich

RYAN’S REVIEW

When I was 10 years old this was one of the movies playing at the Uptown theater when I went to visit my dad in Washington D.C.. That theater’s single giant screen was my babysitter in those days and I spent plenty of time sitting in front of it during those visits. No theater has ever come close to being quite as magical as the Uptown was to me as a 10 year old. I would sit on the first row of the balcony and watch whatever was playing over and over again. I’m partial to all the movies I saw on that screen but it really helps that this one is so cool.

I really like the idea behind this movie. They don’t make such original science fiction anymore, or at least I haven’t seen anything like it. I like that the military has been keeping this ancient technology under wraps for decades trying to figure it out. When they get it operational the adventure begins and some of Earth’s greatest mysteries are there to be discovered. It’s a portal to another world and the military is sending a team through it into the unknown. The blending of ancient Egyptian culture, the military, and aliens is just awesome. Really cool idea that was ahead of its time. Unfortunately it’s one of the many that are destined for the eventual reboot that will probably just sully the original.

I really hope a reboot never comes to fruition. They could never top this one, and why even try? Where the hell are they gonna find anyone who can rock a flat top and beret like Kurt freaking Russell? Can’t do it! It didn’t work when they rebooted Total Recall. It didn’t work when they rebooted RobocopThey keep trying to carry on The Terminator franchise to no avail. Alien keeps trying to hang on with new movies and clearly that isn’t working. There’s just no way they should even try to remake this movie because it’s a bad idea. This movie is fine the way it is and it left its mark in the science fiction genre. We need movies like this, but not this. Certainly there are still people out there coming up with interesting ideas, we need more original science fiction these days and more than simply reboots and sequels to older properties.

I think this is one of, if not the, best movies made by Roland Emmerich. He has almost become like a gimmick director at this point specializing in disaster films. While those movies have become redundant I still like him as a director. After all, those disaster flicks aren’t terrible, I’d easily say that were worth watching one time as a rental. Maybe none of those disaster flicks qualified for our collection but I have a couple of Emmerich’s movies on the shelf and I’m quite fond of them. Independence Day is a very popular film but I have always had problems with it and never watched the sequel.

I think the music in this movie is exceptional. The theme they use anytime Ra is on screen is particularly compelling with its sinister sound. I am not very familiar with the film’s compser David Arnold, but I really like what he came up with. Sometimes a musical score can make or break a film. I don’t think the score here did either but it greatly enhances the film.

As I am want to mention I grew up in an action movie fanatic household. So, naturally I think Kurt Russell is awesome and I really like him in this movie. He rocks the shit out of that beret Demolition Man style. Dressed all in black and wearing that beret he should have been called Colonel John Spartan in this movie but I’ll let it slide. Kurt Russell is just too likable delivering lines like “Give my regards to King Tut asshole.” I’ve never been a big James Spader fan but I liked him in this movie. He apparently thought the movie was going to be awful but took the part for the money. Spader wasn’t the only one not really invested in the film as the actor who portrayed Ra, Jaye Davidson was apparently very difficult to work with. As a matter of fact he never acted again after this. I thought he was good though, of course all his lines are dubbed with that badass voice and all he had to do was look really evil.

This has been a fairly influential film in a way I am generally unfamiliar with. It inspired a television series that has been around a long time, I guess. I don’t know very much about it but I understand there is some minor crossover between the film and show. I only bring it up because this movie also inspired something that I cherish. There was an awesome direct reference to the film in one of the South Park Imaginationland episodes:

 

This is the best scene I could find on YouTube but you can see the Stargate and hear Kurt Russell as he is attacked by the Woodland Critters. Earlier in the episode Kurt Russell asks why he is there with this military crew and the response is “because you were in that movie that was kind of like this.” Hilarious, if you haven’t seen Imaginationland you should seek it out, some of the funniest stuff South Park has ever done.

This movie is special to me because it gets me all nostalgic over magical childhood memories. It’s a good movie aside from that though and there are plenty of reasons to like it. It’s got a real Chariots of the Gods feel to it and people love those wild theories. If you are a fan of science fiction this is a must see and I think the movie is easily worth your time to see it.

NEXT MOVIE: Star Trek: The Motion Picture (1979)

Spider-Man 3

Year: 2007
Directed By: Sam Raimi
Written By: Sam Raimi, Ivan Raimi, and Alvin Sargent. Based on characters creasted by Stan Lee and Steve Ditko.

RYAN’S REVIEW

Everybody hated this movie but I always liked it because it was everything I wanted out of a Spider-Man movie. I am a sucker for the effects. I love to see that cool Spider-Man shit and this movie is overloaded with cool Spider-Man shit. Yeah Topher Grace was a lame choice for Eddie Brock but beyond that I don’t know what everyone hated so much. I liked the black suit, I liked the story overloaded with villains, and I loved seeing all these characters together again for a third go round. The biggest problem I had with it was that some of the fight scenes featured Peter doing the fighting instead of Spider-Man.

They put too much thought into the second movie for me. Yeah it was cool but I loathed sitting through all the slow moving character development while I was waiting for Spider-Man to be swinging through the streets. This movie featured three villains, and because of that there was tons of Spider-Man swinging around and being awesome. Of the three films this movie featured some of the coolest Spider-Man sequences and that’s all I have ever really cared about in this franchise. In 2007 if I wanted to see a serious movie I’d check out No Country for Old Men, when I wanted to see something fun and awesome I went to see this one. While plenty were disappointed I was pleased cause I got exactly what I wanted.

This movie still preceded the MCU and while plenty of movies were trying to recreate the success of Spider-Man nothing came close to this franchise even the third time around. Even though this movie wasn’t well received it still managed to be the highest grossing film of the year. That’s the number one reason they shouldn’t have rebooted this franchise but followed through with the idea for a fourth film. There was no reason to scrap a successful franchise in favor of a reboot nobody wanted. It still frustrates me to this day. While the character would have needed to be rebooted eventually in order to enter the MCU we still could have gotten another couple of cool films before that took place.

People can hate on this movie all they want, I will always think they are wrong. Spider-Man was already awesome enough but when they put him in that black suit he got even cooler. In the black suit his movements are so fluid and so much more powerful. I love when he is doing back flips on the side of a building and I love when he nosedives straight toward the ground before swinging up at the last second. This movie is full of awesome Spider-Man moments. The visuals of him saving Gwen Stacy from the crane accident are simply spectacular.

I think we can all admit that where this movie went wrong was casting Topher Grace as Eddie Brock. While I’ve read Topher Grace put on an impressive 20 something pounds to play the part that hardly matters when you only weigh 100 pounds to begin with. Eddie Brock is supposed to be a bulky and intimidating figure. Grace just didn’t fit the bill, but I still thought Venom was cool. He was forced into the story by the studio but I wasn’t disappointed by it. It only meant there was more Spider-Man action to be had.

I have also heard many people criticize the scene when Peter is dancing around the streets. Yeah it’s totally lame but it wasn’t so bad it sullied my opinion of the film. I looked at is as “oh, Peter is being dorky again, even when trying to be cool.” I saw it as part of the character and never gave it a second thought. That didn’t annoy me near as much as being forced into seeing The Sandman as kind of a good guy. I like bad guys to be just that, bad guys. Why am I supposed to feel sorry for this guy? The Sandman proved to be a pretty cool bad guy when the action started but far too often we are having his stupid sob story shoved down our throat. He keeps talking about not being a bad guy but then keeps breaking the law, totally lame.

It’s pretty cool to finally see Harry step up and take over his father’s mantle as the Green Goblin. I thought he was great as a bad guy and as a good guy in this movie. While we’re supposed to feel sorry for this criminal sob story of a Sandman Harry manages to win us back by actually doing the right thing. In the end of the movie the Sandman is still wreaking havoc for some disillusioned reason while Harry swallows his pride to fight the good fight. The action scenes with he and Spidey fighting in tandem are really exciting.

I remember that following this movie the studio did have a fourth film planned with everyone reprising their roles. If I remember correctly the story would have features John Malkovich playing the Vulture. I think the pressure the studio was putting on Sam Raimi had something to do with him pulling out of the project and then it all fell apart. When Raimi left the project the whole thing was scrapped and they announced the reboot. The rest is history as the new franchise never achieved the success of its predecessor and ultimately Sony decided to throw in the towel and start over again in conjunction with Marvel.

I miss this franchise and would have loved to see it continue beyond this third film. However this turned out to be the end of it and while plenty of people were disappointed I still stand behind it. I thought it was a good movie and I think it’s worth your time to see it.

NEXT MOVIE: Stargate (1994)

 

 

 

Spider-Man 2

Year: 2004
Directed By: Sam Raimi
Written By: Four different writers, based on characters created by Stan Lee and Steve Ditko

RYAN’S REVIEW

This has always been acclaimed as a really exceptional sequel but I have always thought it was overrated. It’s a cool movie but it has too much story and not enough action. It does a great job of character development and takes us deeper with all the main characters but that’s never been what I wanted. It makes for a great story but I always want more excitement in a sequel. I want any sequel to equal more of everything you loved about the first. I have simply never felt like this movie capitalized on that opportunity.

In the world of sequels this movie is much more Godfather II and not enough Terminator 2. By that I mean that it’s boring, at times in this case at least. This is a long superhero movie and there is not nearly enough action to break up the long retarding points. The Godfather II is impossibly long and devoid of action whereas I have no idea how long Terminator 2 is. Nobody knows how long it is without checking the runtime because it’s so exciting the time flies by.

This movie has some really fantastic fight scenes but there just weren’t enough of them. I criticize this movie but that’s not meant to suggest I don’t respect it. This movie has some seriously awesome Spidey action. You just have to sit through all his internal struggles in order to see them and that takes forever.

I know that it came straight out of the comic but I have always hated the segment when Peter quits being Spider-Man. It’s great for Peter to get his life in order and it makes for a nice story but it only gets in the way of Spider-Man time. I don’t care if Peter meets his personal obligations. I want to see Spider-Man swinging through the street and webbing up bad guys.

I think one of the most important themes in Spider-Man has always been that it’s hard to be a superhero. It takes sacrifice to do what’s right and an honorable character to make the decision to do it. This movie really captures that quality of the character. Not only is it hard to be a superhero but nothing ever goes Peter’s way. Poor Peter, the love of his life is marrying someone else, his best friend is mad at him, people can’t walk by without bumping into him or knocking his stuff to the ground. Big deal, you have to counterbalance all that stuff that sucks with the fact that you get to be Spider-Man.

While everybody else was beaming over this movie I was twitching with growing frustration because I just wanted to see Spider-Man doing his thing. However, when the movie finally does get to the action it does not disappoint. When I was in college I would sometimes pop in the DVD of this film and just skip to the fight scenes. I would watch the battles between Spidey and Doc Ock over and over again because they were awesome. As frustrated as I have been with this movie I still deny it nothing. It was better than the first one and when it got going it went somewhere exciting.

This movie was just as impressive as its predecessor when it came to box office returns and that was an exciting thing to watch. The first film had set records and this one broke them as Spider-Man proved to be the most lucrative franchise since Star Wars. I have always had an interest in box office statistics and that interest made this movie even more exciting for me as a fan.

While my overall tone here has been disappointment that isn’t altogether accurate. Do I wish the movie had more action? Yes, but I think the action that is on the table lived up to my expectations as a fan. This wasn’t my favorite Spider-Man film but it was a good movie nonetheless.

Alfred Molina made for a great Doctor Octopus and it was awesome to see the character on screen. The effects used to make his tentacles move were very well done and he looked fantastic in fight scenes with Spider-Man. I do wish they had given the character a different ending because it would have been great for him to have the potential to return. It sucks seeing the same thing done again but I would still love to see a new version of Doc Ock eventually. He’s just too cool a villain to sit on the sidelines forever. It would be great for him to be a new villain introduced into the MCU.

Aside from the lack of action the only problem I had with this movie was Spider-Man takes his mask off far too much. Spidey was unmasked frequently in the comics but everyone always assumed he was an impostor when they saw Peter Parker. This would explain to them how Spider-Man was defeated at all because it wasn’t the real Spider-Man. In this movie he is just taking that mask off far too much. Spider-Man’s secret identity is one of the most important aspects of his character because his villains are always after Aunt May or one of his girlfriends.

For most people this sequel outshined the original and they loved it. I like it but do not agree. That isn’t to say it’s not a good movie though, I personally just wanted something different. Nevertheless this is a movie that is worth your time to see if for no other reason than to see some really awesome fight scenes.

NEXT MOVIE: Spider-Man 3 (2007)

 

Speed

Year:1994
Directed By: Jon de Bont
Written By: Graham Yost

RYAN’S REVIEW

This was a big hit in my household growing up, as all action movies were, but as I grew up I started to consider it stupid. In my arrogance as a movie fan I thought I was above movies like this until catching it on television one day and getting sucked in. I sat there hanging on every second with a film I had grown up with but hadn’t seen in more than a decade. I immediately hit the Amazon page and had to have this film in the collection.

Watching this movie for the review I found myself so sucked in again it brought about the question of why I had lost faith in it before. I have been building our collection for almost 20 years now and Speed  never seemed to qualify as far as I was concerned. Having given the matter some thought I think a lot of it had to do with the sequel, Speed 2: Cruise Control.

I get that it makes sense to do another film once the first one was successful but couldn’t they have come up with something better than the exact same formula with a boat? It was a bad idea, and once Keanu Reeves bailed to go on tour with his band the movie should have been dropped. However, it would have been just as stupid with Reeves had they intended to make the same story. If they had made a Jack Traven sequel that had nothing to do with a speeding vehicle it might have been cool. Back in the 90s though, if something worked once it was worth trying a second time, just like Die Hard 2. Did it make sense for John McClain to find himself in the exact same situation a year later? No, but was the second step in a franchise that has made it through many films.

Second Attempt

Everything above was written the day after Amber and I watched Speed, and then suddenly a couple months had passed. I’ve sat on this review for what feels like forever now and I just want to put it behind me and move forward. It was a cool movie that has a significant place in action movie history.

There, it’s weak, it’s lazy, it’s borderline embarrassing but I wash my hands of this one. It’s time to move forward in the movie collection.

NEXT MOVIE: Spider-Man (2002)