worst star trek ever

Star Trek: Insurrection

Year: 1998
Directed By: Jonathan Frakes
Written By: Rick Berman, Mike Pillar. Gene Roddenberry (Star Trek)

RYAN’S REVIEW

This is the only Star Trek film I literally have no memory of. I was actually in high school when this movie came out, a freshman no less. I was probably trying to hide altogether that I had ever even heard of Star Trek much less making a trip to the theater to see it. I remember watching it on video eventually and thinking it failed in comparison to First Contact. This movie was the only one of the original ten that I didn’t own as part of the collection. I ordered it on Amazon two days ago because I figured I should have the whole set now that I’ve reached it on the blog. Right now, I am sitting down to it blind and it is the first of these nine movies I can honestly say I don’t remember anything about it. So here it goes….

Data goes rogue….thirty minutes into the movie and this is all I have. It’s cool because Data should have a prominent role in any movie going forward, he is the new age Spock after all. This story isn’t big enough though. I don’t really even know what’s going on yet but the mere fact that I’m at a loss highlights a problem with the story. This movie has always been criticized as being too much like an episode and that holds true. It is an odd movie that gives credence to the argument that only even films are good.

Captain Picard is now singing out loud and Worf and Data are joining him. Damnit this is why people make fun of Star Trek! Here you have your three most badass characters and they are singing exaggeratedly to one another. Patrick Stewart of course has an incredible voice but that is beside the point.

I’m only a third of the way through this movie but I can see that there was a reason I didn’t own it before. The criticisms of this movie are right. It’s too much like a long TV episode and not a grand enough idea to really warrant a movie. While it’s always great to see these characters on screen I feel like I’m wasting my time right now.

I remember now, I hated the part in this movie when Geordi La Forge got his eyes back. That’s so lame when the coolest part of his character was the visor he wore. It was what LeVar Burton wanted but I don’t care. As a fan of the character the way he used to be I think it was totally lame.

After First Contact I expected more out of another movie in this series. The studio apparently wanted something with a lighter tone but I think that was a mistake. I noticed that the last movie was distinct in that it was the only film to garner a PG-13 rating and I think they were heading in the right direction then. This movie was lighter in everything from color to excitement and there they went too far.

By the time that something even remotely happens in this movie it’s too late, and LeVar Burton’s eyes are the alien in the room. I don’t even care what happens from here on out. I have almost an hour left and I don’t think I can stand to watch the rest. I made Amber suffer through eight Star Trek movies with a few thrills along the way but I’ll be damned if I make her suffer through this when I can’t even explain it to myself.

Sorry, I’m ending this movie, this review, and I’m regrouping with the tenth film, Nemesis, before jumping into the rebooted series. That will be tomorrow, but tonight I am done.

NEXT MOVIE: Star Trek: Nemesis (2002)

 

Advertisements

Star Trek V: The Final Frontier

Year: 1989
Directed By: William Shatner
Written By: William Shatner, Harve Bennett (story), Michael Loughery (screenwriter), Gene Roddenberry (Star Trek)

RYAN’S REVIEW

What’s interesting about this time around is that William Shatner himself got behind camera. There he could really make sure he looked good, even giving himself a Stallone-esque Cliffhanger moment to start the film. Kirk flirting with death while he scales the mountain is really the most interesting thing going on in the beginning. Up until the Klingons show up in that awesome Bird of Prey the movie is kind of lame. The whole camping scene is just silly, and boring.

I was being wildly optimistic when I started this film. As it continues I can see that it is really disappointing. I’ve seen this movie before but it’s probably been fifteen years at least. Not that I really expected it to be good but this level of bad has really caught me off guard.

I hate to criticize William Shatner too much but this one is a really weak movie. I’d call it the weakest but I really didn’t like The Voyage Home. The story that he conceived was horrible plain and simple. Shatner was inspired by a fascination with televangelist who could so easily manipulate the public and for what it’s worth that is an interesting aspect of society. Still, it’s a stretch for one of these men, who also happens to be Spock’s brother, to manipulate the entire crew of the Enterprise away from Kirk.

Glad to see all of Shatner’s rock climbing comes in handy later in the film as he is climbing ladders, that is until Spock comes and carries him the rest of the way. These boots Spock is wearing, whose idea was that? His Superman moment in the beginning of the film was ridiculous but here he is now squeezed between Kirk and McCoy with more boot shenanigans.

There’s too much time left in this movie, this one is even harder than The Voyage Home.

The whole scene with God is crazy. It’s a good thing Kirk and Spock are OK after God lasers them, and it’s comical how McCoy rushes to both of them on the ground and simply holds them as if he is treating them. The afterthought Klingons show up near the end to play their wild card only for that threat to be neutralized instantly with a resolution that leads to everybody being friends. They’re literally all having a party together moments after trying to kill each other and everybody is just all hunky dory.

I was wrong before. The fourth film is not the worse, this one is. At least this one has conflict but I just can’t say anything nice about it. It’s amazing the franchise continued beyond this film. It’s definitely not worth your time, you gotta be a serious Trekkie to like this movie. I mean they go back to Row Row Row Your Boat at the end, who thought this was a good idea?

NEXT MOVIE: Star Trek VI: The Undiscovered Country (1991)